Thursday, May 17, 2007

All of the latest Popbitch email

THE SHOES DON'T LIE. You could always play it safe.
But safe doesn't ask 'where did you get the shoes?'
Safe doesn't turn Tennis-Classic-Green with envy.
Safe shows up twice in the same town. Choose from
dozens of shoes; hundreds of colours; millions of
possible combinations. Kiss safe goodbye.

"My greatest competition is, well, me. I'm the Ali of
today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob
Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all
the other greats that have come before us. " - R Kelly
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|_| |_| 17.05.07 ISSUE 349
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
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* Get into summer with Sonny Jim
* What happens to Dr Who
* Charts: Maroon 5 is number one

>> Gear-shift <<
Lewis shows ladies his pole position

Sports star of the year is undoubtedly
Lewis Hamilton. Talent spotted by McLaren
supremo Ron Dennis as a child, Hamilton
has been kept in a protective bubble to
help him develop his prodigious talents.
Well, with success comes a desire for
the trappings of success. Lewis was seen
celebrating with the other F1 drivers,
for the first time, after the Barcelona
Grand Prix. He left the Amber Lounge party,
with two expensive escorts on his arm. And
we don't mean bodyguards. Roll on Monaco...

An avatar in Second Life has a larger carbon
footprint than the average Brazilian.

>> Big Questions <<
What people want to know this week

Which Joseph-wannabe on Any Dream Will Do
is an escort with the same Suited and
Booted agency where John Browne met
his young nemesis, Jeff Chevalier?

The wife of which media tycoon is said to
be having an affair with one of her
husband's key employees?

Which pop star's future husband is known
in North London circles for extreme
drug use and for lifting their friends/
lovers wallets to pay for it?

Easther Bennett, from Eternal, is now a beauty
therapist, in County Hall Club & Spa.

>> Confessions to a pop star <<
Drunk passenger fails to join mile high club

AC writes:
"I was sitting next to Annie Lennox on a flight
from London to Aberdeen in about 1987, I was a
bit pissed and fell asleep. When I woke up I
had an erection, with my helmet poking up just past
my belt on my tummy. Annie Lennox was sniggering.
She told me if there had been more showing
she would have autographed it. I chanced my
luck with her and she changed her seat."

Sian Lloyd says she likes new boyfriend, Jonathan
Ashman, because he's not an attention-seeker. So
much so that he's been texting friends to tell
them when he is going to be in the newspapers.

>> Baby love <<
Scooch get aother 15 minutes

Scooch did better than expected at Eurovision,
(19 points better) and it's nice to see them
with a top five hit, after their career was cut
short in 2000. Singer Natalie had a baby with
the band's svengali/producer Mike Stock
(of Aitken, Waterman fame), which put a
damper on their frenetic dance routines.

Drink of the summer: The Rumball - Mount Gay rum
and red bull.

>> Scientology scare <<
Tom Cruise is always watching you

medium_smart writes:
"I used to work in an office on Goodge Street.
When I clambered onto the roof to smoke I looked
straight into the recruitment offices of the
Scientologist Centre. I'd sit and watch
morons walk in off the street to get "audited"
and towards the end of their treatment, I'd lean
into the window and say something caustic.
Which I thought was funny and they probably
didn't. I kept up this juvenile behaviour for
about a week.

"Then one Sunday, I was at home (miles out of
London) and someone knocked on my window.
I opened it. There were two men in suits,
saying, "we thought you'd like to see how it
feels'. They then proceeded to heckle and
generally freak out anyone who came anywhere
near the house for the next five hours, as well
as reading stuff from their weird book at
full volume in the street and telling my
neighbours that I was a 'godless and
aggressive unbeliever'."

The music that plays Hillary Clinton onto the stage
for her Presidential campaign speeches is Jesus
Jones Right Here, Right Now.

>> Dr What <<
Season-end spoilers. Possibly.

We're told this is how Dr Who ends this year...

* John Simm as Mr Saxon, the PM, gets taken
over by The Master.
* The Master did this by hiding from the
time war in the Tardis and waiting for the
right body to come along (like in Hellraiser 3)
* The Master becomes a Timelord again by
splicing The Doctor's DNA and temporarily
taking over Dr Who's body.
* cliff-hangers at end are whether The Doctor
rids himself of The Master, and whether the
big explosion you see is Galifrey or Earth.

There has never been a British winner of the
Wimbledon men's tournament under a Labour government.

>> New US TV <<
Heading to our shores in 2008?

* ABC are excited about a new sitcom called
Cavemen. Its based on an advert by Geico
communications, which doesn't sound like a
great start, but features 30-something men
in Atlanta.

* Dirty Sexy Money is being hyped as the new
Dynasty. Glam soap opera starring Peter Krause
as a lawyer representing a rich and mysterious
family, headed by Donald Sutherland.

* Me & Lee. Six Million Dollar Man Lee Majors
helps an injured man (Jamie Kennedy) get a
new bionic body. It's directed by Paul
Dinello, from Strangers with Candy.

Most inappropriate casting of the year - LA stoner
club kid (and star of preppy Orange County drama)
Mischa Barton... in the new St Trinian's movie.

>> Corporate Bullshit <<
Cornish wreckers target field

Orange are preparing a novel Glastonbury
competition. They have a bull fitted with GPS
in a field in Cornwall, which is divided into
squares. Guess which square the bull is in at
mid-day each day for two weeks before the festival
and you could win tickets. Except, we hear
from Cornish friends, that the location of the
bull has got out, and there are plans afoot to
"interfere" with the beast...

Victor Lewis Smith is currently wooing Mohamed Al
Fayed in the hope of making a documentary about
his "fight against The Establishment".

>> Can't stop playing <<
Sonny Jim makes the sound of sunshine

Tune of the summer, if you haven't yet heard it,
is Sonny Jim's Can't Stop Moving. Two major labels
are sniffing around this week to pick it up and
turn the Jackson 5-esque happy disco sing-a-long
into this summer's crossover dance hit. And
with one of the track's co-producers off to
work with Cee-Lo next week, watch out for
a special Gnarls Barklay mix before too long...


(Know the sample? email

Popbitch's favourite urologist: Mr Nicholas
Burns-Cox, at the Nuffield Hospital, Taunton.

>> Sold a pup <<
Another football star goes dogging

Jose Mourinho's dog, Gullit, is now the most
famous Yorkshire Terrier in the world.
Here are the runners-up through history:

* Huddersfield Ben. The father of the modern
breed of Yorkshire Terrier. Ben (1865 - 1871),
was a top show dog and ratting champion.
His life was tragically cut short, aged six,
when run over by a carriage. But Ben was so
famous that his body was preserved and kept
under glass on public display.

* Mr Famous. Owned by Audrey Hepburn, appeared
in Funny Face, and run over on Wiltshire Boulevard
shooting another movie, The Children's Hour.

* Sulamith and Sara Belladonna. Tour with
Stevie Nicks who insists on hot-dogs on her
rider for the pups.

* Doogie. Endured the embarrassment of
appearing with owner Whitney Houston on her
reality TV show.

* Milo, Dolce, Luna and Venus. Have Naomi
Campbell as owner.

Four unknown Yorkies. Bought by Elton for Posh's
birthday a couple of years ago, these dogs have
yet to be seen again in public.

To buy one without getting into trouble with the police:

RIP Jerry Falwell, no doubt reading us from his
new, rather hotter home below. Falwell's climate
change-denier professor at his Liberty University
is called... Dr Ice.

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
David Gest, Steven Gerrard, Blood pillow

Congratulations to Serbia's Rose West look-a-like
who won Eurovision. The country's been going
close for years, so listen to their 2004
runner-up, by Zeljo Joksimovic. Probably the
most beautiful piece of music in ESC history:

Premiership footballers were asked to donate a
day's wages to a Royal College of Nursing hardship
fund. The whole squads of Watford and Sheffield
United, Fulham, Tottenham, Blackburn, Reading
and West Ham did. Chelsea - not one player

Get a blood puddle pillow

Want to buy Rednex?

David Gest porn-a-like:

Steven Gerrard has a nice new house:

Miss Titmuss has never been afraid to kiss-and-tell,
but are you? We can't promise any tabloid cash but you
can see how you stack up against your friends at:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 20th May

++ Number One
MAROON 5 Makes Me Wonder

++ Top Ten
SNOW PATOL Signal Fire

++ Top Twenty
BIFFY CLYRO Living is A Problem Because Everything
THE CRIBS Men's Needs

++ Top Forty
CSS Let's Make Love And...
MUMM-RA She's Got You High

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, JB, DL, LT, MH
party_b, beaver, ol sparky, ullyses, JK, JT, CJD,
NS, calendergirl, celtiagirl, HL, SW, _____, GA
deep_stoat, popfiction, abominable_homan, lashdevil
checkmychops, xxxxx, 7zark7, SW, fluffy, llanelliboy

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call someone who covers his parts
n chick peas, garlic and tahini?
A: A hummusexual.

Still Bored?
The best ever TV music show audition ever.
From Austria's version of X Factor:

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