It's Eariler Than Usual ...

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"That's the pinnacle for me man. I'd never rehearsed
it with him, I never had a sound check, I just went up
and winged it and it was beautiful" - Leon Jackson
on performing with Michael Buble.
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|_|         |_|   20.12.07 ISSUE 380
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Keep up the netball Alesha
* Omar Sharif - nice
* Charts: X Factor dross is number one
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       >> Happy 2008! <<
       ... And may all your otters be white

   Merry Xmas and thanks for sticking with us
   through 2007. As we look forward to all the
   weird and wonderful things which will surely
   happen in 2008, we can't help but think the
   strangest trend this year was for the womb to
   become public property. From supposed text scans of
   Britney's non-existent new pregnancy to Kerry
   Katona's sordid on again-off again money-spinning
   spawn to Charlotte Church being forced to
   tell the world she was pregnant before the usual
   12 week marker and Lily Allen suddenly morphing
   into a "real family person" instead of a real
   Groucho Club person nothing seems to be off-limits
   any more. Well, as it's become normal to see
   celebrities' home sex videos perhaps this was
   the inevitable next step.

   Thanks for all the stories, emails, inspiration
   and all the videos of otters around the world you
   sent in. Sorry to anyone we failed to reply to,
   or if we didn't use your story - we do love you.
  
   Happy New Year! And we're back on 17th January.


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Hitler-lover Unity Mitford was conceived in Swastika,
Ontario, and her middle name is Valkyrie.
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       >> Good sport <<
       Alesha gets sound career advice    

   This weekend we'll find out if Alesha Dixon
   is not too black or too female to win a
   BBC public vote, on Strictly Come Dancing.
   Back in her schooldays teachers weren't
   convinced by her joining Misteeq. Alesha
   was brilliant at sport, and her sixth form
   teacher in Luton told her she was much better
   sticking with netball, and taking a sports
   science degree. “Music won't lead anywhere...
   there'll always be a need for PE teachers”,
   were her somewhat unfortunate words.


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OK magazine has Jordan dressed as the Virgin Mary.
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     >> Big Questions <<
     What people are asking this week

   This Brit acting legend failed to impress
   travellers to Oman recently with a foul-mouthed
   and somewhat racist rant at how long the
   passport and customs queue was.

   Which warring duo are the subject of lurid
   rumours about the true paternity of their
   unfortunate child?


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Eddie Murphy has set up a record label. His first
signing is Karrine "Superhead" Steffans - so-called
because of her oral technique.
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       >> Angelic upstart <<
       The origin of tree-topping tinsel tits

   One Christmas a long time ago Santa Claus had
   problems. Four of his elves were sick so
   Santa got behind schedule. Then Mrs Claus
   told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit;
   this stressed Santa even more. He went to see
   his reindeer and found that three of them
   were about to give birth. More stress. Then
   when he began to load the sleigh he dropped
   the toy bag and scattered the toys.

   Santa went into the house for a shot of whisky
   but the elves had drunk him dry. 

   Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed
   on his way to the door. There was a little
   angel with a big Christmas tree. "Merry Christmas
   Santa”, said the angel, “Isn't it a lovely
   day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where
   would you like me to stick it?”

   Thus began the tradition of the angel on
   top of the Christmas tree.


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German technician Karlheinz Brandenberg used an
acapella of Suzanne Vega's Toms Diner to perfect
the technology behind the mp3 format in the 90s.
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       >> LA Confidential <<
       Live like the super agents

   So last year: getting your PA to call you as
   you enter a meeting to keep the other person
   waiting, to make you look important.

   Now: talk and text: with the aid of a blackberry
   you never have to look up or stop texting during
   your meetings with prospective clients.
   How Nathan Barley.


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Popbitch's favourite Middle Eastern politician:
Ahmed Fatfat, Lebanese Minister for Youth and Sports.
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       >> Sharifer madness <<
       The old ones are the best

   Omar Sharif starred in a West End production
   of The Sleeping Prince in the 80s where he
   earned about 10 grand a week. One night he
   saw that everyone getting ready to go for a
   drink and asked what the occasion was. He
   was told it was his dresser’s birthday.
   Embarrassed that he had forgotten, he quickly
   got her a card, and placed that week's paycheck
   in it. She was able to put the money down as
   a deposit for a house.


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"I want permanent erections".
Jonathan Pope, producer of new soap Echo Beach is
looking for talent. Go for it here.
http://tinyurl.com/ysfxje
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       >> Old spice <<
       VIP fans go to Heathrow

   Last week we told you that excited Spice Girls
   fans were told to meet at the Chablis Suite,
   Novotel Hammersmith for a VIP event at a
   secret location. Well, it turns out the secret
   location was Heathrow and the event was to
   welcome the girls back to the UK. The fans
   were bussed to the airport, stood around
   while the girls thanked Virgin Atlantic
   etc, and then got taken back to London.
   One family had cut shut a holiday in Spain so
   their daughter could meet her idols. Bet they
   were pleased they'd done that.

   After seeing the Spice Girls comeback concert,
   Popbitch would like to apologise to Mel C for
   all the mean things we wrote about her back
   in the day. Until we experienced this beyond-
   hopeless live event, we had no idea how much Sporty,
   the only one with a voice, dance moves, energy
   or stage presence, carried the rest of the band.


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Philippines Celebrity Big Brother even has problems.
Five CBB stars danced with the famous Cebu provincial
jail inmates, but TV bosses have so far withheld
the promised payments to the orange suited prisoners.
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       >> Ding Dong <<
       The Lambrini surprise

   Alan Carr is filming a celebrity quiz show
   for Channel 4 called Ding Dong. The show,
   particularly Carr himself, is said to be funny.
   But at a recent filming some of the audience were
   bemused by the final question. Carr asked "What
   do party girls drink?" To which the contestants
   chorused "Lambrini". Surely advertisers aren't
   so clever as to sponsor quiz show questions
   these days, are they?

FYI: Peter Andre was a guest on the show. An observer
said he has his shirts tailored "like a woman".


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ITV sent Parky a bottle of 1982 Chateau Lafite-
Rothschild for Christmas.
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       >> Treason! <<
       Royal butler lost for words       

   With poor dead Diana still splashed across the
   front page, it seems appropriate to recount
   an amusing tale about her creepy butler Paul
   Burrell. He appeared as a guest on Countdown
   in March 2006. On his very first show things
   got uncomfortable very quickly during the
   second letters round when one of the
   contestants chose "TREASON" as his answer
   An awkward silence ensued before Des Lynam
   recovered enough composure to ask Paul if
   he could do any better.
   Paul's reply? "No".

http://www.countdownwiki.com/index.php?title=Episode_4062


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And remember, recycling is for life, not
just for Christmas. Ed Byrne explains why:
http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=416714
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     >> Eight things for Xmas <<
     How to get through the holiday season

   1. Juno is released in UK end January. It's
   the best film for ages. Trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0SKf0K3bxg

   2. Excellent Xmas shoot-em-up:
http://www.resn.co.nz/xmas/

   3. The muppets rule:
http://www.popbitch.com/videos

   4. Danish popsters Alphabeat's next single Fascination
   has the cutest girl-boy harmonies - check out the video:
http://del.interoute.com/?id=a043b30f-e84e-46ff-83f3-6baa95211e44&delivery=stream

   5. Download Yoav's very pretty Beautiful Lie from itunes:
http://zaphod.uk.vvhp.net/v-v/071218150843

   6. Moldova's Gary Glitter sadly didn't get the
   Eurovision nomination but see him in the flesh:
http://www.yatalent.com/files/mmedia/photo_168.jpg

   7. Pets With Tourettes – book of the year!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pets-Tourettes-Mark-Leigh/dp/1840246103

   8. Meet crotchy:
http://www.presstube.com/project.php?id=254


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Jane from Rainbow's Rod, Jane and Freddy is in
panto in Newport.
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       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Asylum seeker, Marilyn, science tattoos

   Cat nurses mouse. Aw:
http://tinyurl.com/yvmmr6

   Marilyn wants you to buy him a computer, in return
   for goodies or lunch:
http://www.myspace.com/mazda62

   People who really like science and tattoos:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/carlzimmer/sets/72157601351535771/

   We're getting through December hangovers with:
http://www.tassimo.co.uk/tassimo/page?PagecRef=1

   Celebs have sex too (and sometimes they're
   daft enough to video it)
http://www.strictlybroadband.com/sb/category/32.html?click_name=popbitch2

   Running out of Xmas dosh? Get the hottest festive fashion
at sale prices now at new social network site:
http://www.osoyou.com?utm_source=popbitch


    >> Chart Predictions <<
    New entries/High climbers Sun 16th Dec

++ Number One
LEON JACKSON Yawn, yawn, yawn

++ Top Ten
EVA CASSIDY & KATIE MELUA What A Wonderful World
THE POGUES Fairytale Of New York
MARIAH CAREY All I Want For Christmas Is You

++ Top Twenty
SUGABABES Change
WESTLIFE Home
MICHAEL BUBLE Lost

++ Top Forty
KYLIE MINOGUE Wow
KATE NASH Pumpkin Soup
MALCOLM MIDDLETON We're All Going To Die
THE KILLERS Don't Shoot Me Santa


     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, CP, EW, jacques_as-in-hattie,
LB, deep_stoat, pc, CS, J, honk

And thanks:
Dermyn Super Serum
Coopers vintage ale
Snow Leopard Vodka
www.2littleboys.co.uk
www.eil.com for all the crapp!
Jacquin's Rock and Rye
4711 Fragrances
English Classics Sheer Luxury
And everyone else we've forgotten.
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Old Jokes Home:
Q: Where do Russian parents send their kids
when they misbehave?

A: To the Naughty Steppe.


Still Bored:
Think Watford FC's Al Bangura shouldn't be
deported? Sign here:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/save-al-bangura