Thursday, January 31, 2008

Beadle's Out

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America's Next Top Model is back next week. One of
the contestants has Asperger's Syndrome (like in The
Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time). It's
going to be interesting: Starts Monday, 9pm, LIVING.
http://tinyurl.com/2t6tva
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“I close my eyes while driving and just sing along.
I always open them again in time. - Tyra Banks
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POPBITCH _ _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
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|_| |_| 31.01.08 ISSUE 383
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* RIP: Beadle and the nearly-Mrs Liberace
* Brazilian footballers - same as Brits
* Charts: Basshunter is still number one
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>> He shoots, he scores <<
What the girls of Manchester are missing

Sven-Goran Eriksson has been trying to sign
Brazilian striker Wagner Love for Man City.
And now we can see why - he's a kindred
spirit. Here's Wagner enjoying himself with
porn star Pamela Butt, famous for the movie
Pleasure Pissings. The video suggests that
the less-energetic fella is Real Madrid's
Robinho, but it's hard for the viewer to tell.

Watch (NSFW)
http://tinyurl.com/2defcj

FYI: Pamela stars in films for a company called
Brasileirinhas, who make gonzo porn, focusing on
anal. And also Mr Dog, which does bestiality porn.


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Ali “Mrs Bono” Hewson's ringtone is
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley.
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>> White City <<
Same as it ever was at top of BBC

BBC in-house magazine Ariel had a wall chart
this week of the most important people at BBC.
Of the 91 people pictured, only two are not
white. There are no senior black employees
pictured, and only two Asian. And one of
them, Group Finance Director Zarin Patel,
we're told by a disgruntled BBC employee,
“has had a cartoon done of her making her
look like a cross between Madhur Jaffrey
and the mother off the Kumars at no.42”.
In the middle of the wall chart, like the sun,
or God, is a cartoon Mark Thompson “looking
like a bad MC in a northern working men's club
wearing a pink suit.” Classy.


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The only word in the English language with three
consecutive double letters is bookkeeper.
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>> Celebrity gym watch international <<
The real news about Kenya's politicians

Our correspondent from Nairobi tells us
that Raila Odinga, opposition leader and
the likely real winner of recent elections,
is a regular gym user. He prefers the
treadmill, but “runs weirdly”. He's not
as big as he looks on TV too - quite fit.
“Sadly IDNSHC.”
http://go.popbitch.com/44


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1997... Princess Diana died, we were in love with
Tony Blair and Denise Van Outen joined Johnny Vaughan
on The Big Breakfast. Well, they're back together
next Monday on Capital 95.8 at 6a.m.
http://tinyurl.com/3cvslc
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>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which magazine at the end of last yeat
dropped a “Heath Ledger on drugs” story,
when the journalist let it slip that not
only did he join in the gak-fest, but
that was the one to call up the dealer?

One footballer might think he's through
the worst of his tabloid ordeal but
a News of the World insider claims there
are a further eight kiss & tells ready.


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Courtney Love is telling friends she is just about
to record a track with Adele.
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>> Don't stop neighing <<
Say sorry to a star through popbitch

Red Rum writes:
“I need to apologise to a celebrity. Some
years ago i was working on a celeb magazine and
interviewed Jo O'Meara about
the rescued horses she kept. Being a thoughtful
chap I stopped off and picked up some carrots
for the nags. During the afternoon we shot Jo
and a Shetland pony in the caravan she kept
in the paddock. While we were trying to push
the pony through the door of the caravan I
looked up to see one of Jo's favourite horses
in the field outside scoffing not just the carrots
but the the carrier bag they came in. The horse
became increasingly lethargic and developed
a cough. I left swiftly.

“Sorry Jo, hope the horse was ok.”

Do you want to say sorry to a star?
email hello@popbitch.com


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Jon S Club spotted near Sunset Strip club, Dean St.
“He looks better - a few pounds heavier - like his
body is now the right size for his head.
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>> Brando the Demon Slayer <<
The spooky spirits surrounding Christian

The LA county coroner has opened an investigation
into the death of Marlon Brando's son Christian.
An initial autopsy was unable to find the
cause of death. Maybe they should be looking
in the ghost realm instead. Christian
shot and killed his sister Cheyenne's boyfriend
in 1990. Then Cheyenne committed suicide. The
Brandos were convinced that Cheyenne's son
was being haunted by the ghost of his dead
father, Dag Drollet, so an exorcism was performed
on little Tuki, on the spot where Christian
killed Dag. The ritual was carried out by Marlon
Brando's common-law wife Tarita, who was
“dressed in robes and said prayers from an
ancient book," claimed an onlooker. "Holy
water was sprinkled on Tuki and around the
room to rid the place of evil spirits."

But perhaps the ghost had turned his
attention elsewhere...


FYI: Tuki Brando now:
http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,5626195,00.jpg


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If you use binary, you can count up to 31 with the
fingers of one hand.
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>> Animal crackers <<
Now there is Prozac for all

Spring is just around the corner. Polar bears
will be starting to wake up and begin their
great migration in search of food. Except in
zoos. The polar bears have the same natural
instinct but nowhere to go. Edinburgh Zoo
has been giving Prozac to its bear, Mercedes,
to help her cope.

FYI: Parrots, dogs and cats are also regularly
given Prozac, but it's deadly for pet spiders.

FYI2: More bear news: scientists in China may use a
police dog to teach pandas to fight after the first
artificially bred panda released into the wild was
apparently killed after a battle with other pandas.


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RIP Margaret Truman Daniel, daughter of President
Harry Truman. Margaret was engaged to Liberace for
a couple of years.
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>> Flying the flag <<
Mr Bean and his colouring pens

Gordon Brown often likes to use his time on
flights to get stuck into newspapers. We're
told by cabin crew that he goes through
the stories with a felt-tip pen, circling
and crossing-out news items that take his
fancy. When he's finished with each one he
scrunches them up into a ball. He has even
been seen taking the paper into the toilet
with him to carry on reading.


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Andy Bell from Erasure in Palma airport, “wandering
around duty-free with a friend. They stopped to
giggle at the penis-shaped lollipops on sale”.
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>> Three's a crowd <<
The problems of user-generated TV

As BBC3 is trying to turn itself into a cross-
platform interactive user-generated web-TV
thingy, it's interesting to see that this week
user-generated TV station Sumo got itself in
all sorts of bother with Ofcom. They broadcast
mobile phone footage of an adult scaring a
small child until it was “clearly extremely
distressed and started screaming”.

BBC3 might like to reconsider whether it wants
to go down the same sort of road. Especially
now they've persuaded us to all get HD TVs
do they really think we want to see some
bloke's mobile phone footage on them?


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He wants more sex. Echo Beach producer Jonathan Pope
wants to know if your face fits the bill. Find out:
http://tinyurl.com/26k7zm
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>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Mexican pop, scary clown, dyke plumber

Win an iPHONE: Tiger Beer are giving us the
chance to join in with an ancient Chinese New
Year tradition. Make a wish, throw an orange
and bag yourself an iPHONE. (Sadly we haven't
got further than the lowest branch yet)
http://www.tigerwishingtree.co.uk

Seattle has a rad dyke plumber:
http://www.raddykeplumber.com/

Ever had clown nightmares? You will now:
http://www.ouchytheclown.com/welcome.html

Bouncy, happy Mexican pop from Belanova:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sQfXUq8PKwk

Console yourself with the thought that
being drunk and fat makes you happy:
http://tinyurl.com/2792e9

How to make money this weekend:
Superbowl XLII. All you need here:
http://www.chickendinner.co.uk


>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 27th Jan

++ Number One
BASSHUNTER Now You're Gone

++ Top Ten
ONE NIGHT ONLY Just For Tonight
ELLIOT MINOR Just Figuring Out

++ Top Twenty
MARY J BLIGE Just Fine
HOT CHIP Ready For The Floor


>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, party_b, NS, AM, red rum, LT
sweetcorn, CS, AB, roger_mycock, pauly, RH,
whitemaninhammersmithpalais, HL, BH, captain claret
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Old Beadle Jokes Home:
Jeremy Beadle has an unusually small cock.
But on the other hand, it's quite big.


Jeremy Beadle was going to get a minutes silence
at all the Premier League games this weekend but
his family asked for a minutes applause instead.
They said he would have appreciated a big hand.



Still Bored:
In case you haven't seen it, Sean Young
telling Julian Schnabel what everyone
else was thinking:
http://tinyurl.com/yptwh3

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