Thursday, January 24, 2008

Slow Gossip Day

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“Psychiatry doesn't work. When you study the
effects, it's a crime against humanity” - Tom Cruise

“I was like the Miley Cyrus of my
generation” - Debbie Gibson
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|_| |_| 24.01.08 ISSUE 382
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* Farewell Alan Ledger
* Madonna v The Ivy
* Charts: Adele V Basshunter for number one

>> Beckhamwatch <<
Thick 'n' thin chill out

David and Victoria Beckham were at Three Mills
studios in East London this week filming promos
for their perfume. In the breaks between scenes
David sat in his Bentley while Victoria sat in
her Mercedes. Even celebrity couples need
“me” time, it seems.

Authorities in in Bangalore have banned dancing in
nightclubs. People have to just sit around while the
DJ plays music, as police are sent to check up.

>> She's in parties <<
Madonna versus The Ivy?

The Hilton on Park Lane looks to be re-
launching its basement bar, Zeta, as a new
private members club. Insiders claim that
Piers Adam and his cohorts from Mahiki
will be taking it on. And the rumour
is they'll have a very special partner
in this venture. Madonna. (Piers, of course
was Guy Ritchie's best man...)

London's going to need something special
to take on Richard Caring's growing empire.
The owner of the Ivy group and Annabels this
week bought up the Soho House chain. And
this Spring opens a private members club
above the Ivy. Which one will you join?

Men in England and Wales are twice as likely to die
as a result of having a foreign object in their anus
as they are through being struck by lightning.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

One of London's most famous nightclubs
in the 70s and 80s had a secret VIP sex
room and dungeon. Someone who worked
there says he has a film of which
well-endowed Royal shagging his male friend?

The daughter of which film director caused
such a scene at the Garden and Grill Thai
Restaurant in Notting Hill, (“do you know
who my father is?”, glass smashing,
crying “I hate all men”) that staff gave
all other diners a free drink to say sorry?

Kristen DeGroat from Michigan placed a advert in her
local paper to sell a horse, but it was mistakenly
put in the section "Good Things to Eat".

>> Farewell Keith Fletcher <<
Readers reminisce about Heath

Lady X writes:
“I met Heath Ledger in a bar of a hotel
in Melbourne about four years ago. He
was instantly recognisable, but he insisted
on introducing himself as 'Keith Fletcher'
to everyone”.

bloodydoorsoff writes:
“When Heath was dating Heather Graham they
turned up at the Prince Bonaparte pub for
Sunday lunch. They sat down and waited for
table service (you order at the bar) and
waited and waited and waited. Eventually
they left, without sustenance.”

celtiagirl writes:
“I met Heath a few times. Sweet boy.
Once he gave me a ball-by-ball recreation
of a big Aussie cricket match. And according
to a slutty chum (NOT ME), he was of average
build, no more but not much less. Noisy
too and a sloppy kisser.”

FYI: Heath and his sister were named after the
two main characters in Wuthering Heights.

FYI 2: The lovely christians of Westboro church
are planning to attend Ledger's funeral:

We hear Kate Moss is thinking of signing up to be in
a UK rom-com movie. One of her entourage said
“It'll be like Garbo talks”. Or not.

>> Readers letters <<
Say sorry to a star through popbitch

80s pop fan writes:
“I'd just broken up with a boyfriend and
gone for commiseration drinks at Julies
in Notting Hill with friends. I got tearful
so hid in the toilets. A pregnant Stella
McCartney came in while I was standing by
the sinks. When she came out of the cubicle
I was still there so she asked me if I was OK.
I started crying and told her everything about
my break-up. She stayed listening to me and
cheering me up for ages. It started to feel
like we were old friends. So I reached out
and groped her stomach and said 'Oh look
you've got a little baby in there!'

“Stella froze. I realised I'd totally crossed
the line and she mumbled goodbye and left.
'So I just want to say - 'Sorry Stella'.”

Do you need to apologise to a celebrity?

New and tiresome marketing wheeze: Taxi Driver
Marketing. Firms are paying some cabbies to talk up
their products, brands or venues to their fares.

>> How to get through January <<
Surviving winter with style - part 2

1. Book your flight to Gobbler's Knob.
It's only one week til Groundhog Day:

2. You've probably forgotten Let Loose and
Crazy For You, but it sounds fantastic:

3. Go to the Serengeti and find a honey badger.
(Ruben from Madorea Safaris is the best guide
in the world and will sort out all your trip):

4. Check out Yoav's cheekbones:

5. HBO launches its big new show, In
Treatment, next week. And with the writer's
strike it's probably the only big show
coming up. It's on five nights a week,
each day features a different psychiatry
patient and it's awesome.

6. Get the Freaks & Geeks DVD set, and see
why it's the most important TV series of the
21st Century:

An Olsen twin spotted at Greenwich Village sushi haunt
Tomoe. She ate and drank beer (so probably not Mary
Kate). Her manfriend asked “Are mushrooms healthy?”

>> Take this and party <<
Are you working-class eye candy?

Nigel Martin-Smith put Take That together. He's
trawling for a new band “that will eventually
perform/sing hip-hop and uplifting house”.

He's looking for boys aged 16-23 -
“'Eye candy' - working class, tattooed, a
bit of rough trade...”

“He doesn't need to be able to sing at this
stage. Working-class lad who's sailed close
to the wind or worse but come through it...
Might be a boxer but definitely inner-city.
Think a Jody Latham.”

We can't wait.

Popbitch's favourite named Green city councillor:
Brighton's Jason Kitcat.

>> New Year's hell <<
Jeremy Clarkson brought a donkey

There's never a suicide bomber around when
you need one... At one New Year's Eve
party in the Cotswolds guests included
Rebekah Wade, The Camerons, Bob Geldof,
AA Gill and Jeremy Clarkson.

Dave the Rave Cameron spent much of the
evening on the dancefloor, telling people
his tunes of the night were Sugarhill Gang's
Rapper's Delight and rare groove classic
Funky Nassau's Beginning of the End. His
missus Samantha asked the DJ to play
Blue Boy's Remember Me.

Jeremy Clarkson brought an unusual Christmas
gift for the host - a donkey.

Eddie Murphy brought his mother on his recent
honeymoon with ex-bride Tracey Edmonds.

>> McNorads <<
America's weirdest burger bar

N writes:
“I went to NORAD in the 90's. Inside the
mountain there was a shopping area with a
barbers and a branch of McDonalds.
Sadly the he main control room was a bit
dull with just tiny TV's. It was nothing
like War Games!”

This is the most miserable week of the year, say
scientists. Brighten it up with's pick of
the new season's acid brights.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Angels, lesbian builder, polar bears

The best ever Idol act? Try Angels For
Ever, on Danish Pop Idol. Mentally
challeneged twins with ADHD:

Need a handywoman?

Polar bear babies:

Buy a birthday suit:

When did Rachel Stevens turn into Stifler's mom?

How’s my Skiing, How’s my Drumming and
How’s my Diet t-shirts:

And the Oscar for Best Achievement in
Suicide goes to...? It's Oscars betting
time. Odds, rumours, tips:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 27th January

++ Number One
ADELE Chasing Pavements

++ Top Twenty

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, PM, RS, SC, NS, Soe, MBW, SM
LT, E, N, S, dollymixture, intheissynoho, MTB,

Old Jokes Home:
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call centre in Pakistan .
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I
could drive a truck.

Still Bored:
Stalin World. The only theme park where you can
be interrogated by KGB:

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